we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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