he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
