it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
