That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
