This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
