I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
