he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
