It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
