so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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