dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
