You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
