and next time when you feel me up, do it right
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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