fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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