You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
