This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
