Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
