question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
