Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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