when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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