If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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