He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
