She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
