Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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