dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
