I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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