doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
