i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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