im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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