Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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