Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
