I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your penis caused this!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
