Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
