Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
