Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
