if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
