He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
