her vagine was all disorganized.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
