Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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