There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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