I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
