that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
