Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
