Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
