It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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