when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My vagina just clenched in fear
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
