xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
