We named our party play list daddy issues
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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