I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
