I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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