Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
