I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
