The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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